Friday, June 30, 2006

The End

So much has been going on in my life right now.

A lot of pain, a lot of hurt.

A need to make the past dead...gone forever.

A need to rid myself of a toxic individual, as well as others who are toxic to my spirit.

I read two recent comments, posted anonymously.

Anonymous, yet calling me an "idiot."

At that moment, I knew it was time to end this blog.

Once I feel that something I love has been tainted and poisoned, I feel the need to disown it.

It is no longer mine.

This blog is no longer mine. It has been tossed around, pulled apart, presumed, faulted, destroyed.

It's gone.

Posted by Jaimie :: 7:48 PM :: 21 Peeked Into My Diary:

.:Write In My Diary:.


Thursday, June 22, 2006

It's All About Me

A healthy relationship goes something like this: The two people involved in the relationship respect one another and comprise with each other. They discuss important issues and do not make huge decisions without first consulting with their partner. They are each others' first resource. They do not lie to each other. They do not steal from one another. They do not cheat on each other.

My marriage did not contain one aspect of anything that I wrote above. My ex-husband had a narcissistic personality disorder, and I didn't even know it.

I was not blind. There were things that didn't make sense to me, like: Why did he say that he loved me, and then search on Match.Com for available women? Why did he say that he was not an alcoholic, but was unable to stop drinking? Why did he yell at me for being terrible with money, then steal $500 a month from my checking account every month, without any explanation? Why did he brag to everyone about how beautiful I was, and then pick on me about every one of my physical attributes? Why did he say that he loved being at home, and then disappear all night? Why did he not care about how he made me suffer, but break into uncontrollable crying over shows on television?

Now, that we are apart, but have to share time with our daughter, I listen to him whine and tantrum about how I didn't love him. I listen to him rant about how he was never drunk and never layed a hand on me. I listen to him lie, and then listen as I hear the click of the phone as he hangs up on me with all of his fantasies still swirling around in his head.

His reality is a lie. His life is a fantasy.

Why Are Some People So F***ing Crazy?

Posted by Jaimie :: 5:00 PM :: 29 Peeked Into My Diary:

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Sunday, June 18, 2006

Mommy Dearest

Recently I was at a store.

I heard a woman talking. Loudly.

"He thinks he can have anything he wants. He tells me he wants me to buy a house. Can you believe that shit? What? Does he think I'm made of money?"

I turn around and look at the woman. She is speaking to the cashier about her 8 year old son, who is standing beside her.

I walk out of the store and they were behind me.

"You're good for nothing. And all you're going to get is those chips in your hand. Don't ask me for another damn thing. Shit, I can't stand you sometimes! Don't say a damn word! Get your ass in the car and don't say a damn word!"

I turned around and looked at the boy.

He never said one word.

I thought to myself, This boy is going to grow up hating black women.

When James came home I talked to him about it.

"So what do you thing about my theory? Do you think black mothers are responsible for the way their sons grow up to mistreat black women?"

"Yes," he said, "I think so."

Are Black Mothers to Blame for How Their Sons Treat Black Women?

Posted by Jaimie :: 8:09 PM :: 23 Peeked Into My Diary:

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Monday, June 12, 2006

Vegas, Baby

I bought a card for my coworker. It was a cartoon drawing of an old white lady pushing a grocery cart down an aisle. She is being flashed by a naked white man. She says to him:

"Thank you my dear. I almost forgot to buy the baby carrots." I thought it was hilarious.

I showed the card to James. He appeared confused.

"She's telling him he has a small penis," I said.

"Oh, okay, that's funny," he answered.

I gave the card to my coworker, and she showed it to another one of our coworkers.

"Well, it's true. White men do have small penises," she said. "Actually, I don't know that for a fact, since I've never been with one, but I heard they do. Jaimie would know. Jaimie, do white guys have small penises?"

"What makes you think I'm the expert?" I asked.

"Well..." she said, waiting for an answer, tapping her foot.

"I've only been with two, and one was half Mexican, so he doesn't really count. They both had large penises. It's kinda the luck of the draw, I guess. A crap shoot. You never know."

"Well, I'm sticking with black men, 'cuz there's no Vegas odds with them," she said. "It's always big."

Do Black Men Always Have Large Penises?

Posted by Jaimie :: 6:09 PM :: 30 Peeked Into My Diary:

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Sunday, June 04, 2006

Change Your Mind

People, I believe, are generally nice.

There are some things that people say that really make me feel good, like:

1. You're such a great mom.

2. You're a good writer.

3. I love you.

4. You're a great teacher.

5. You're the best.

6. You are so smart.

7. You're beautiful.

8. You deserve the best.

9. You're so nice.

10. You're a good cook.

Affirmations, whether made by someone else, or yourself, can change your life.

What is Your Affirmation About Yourself?

Posted by Jaimie :: 6:30 PM :: 12 Peeked Into My Diary:

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