Wednesday, November 09, 2005

SPORTS SUCK



My dislike of sports began when I was 7. My favorite television show was "Three's Company." I would watch it every night, much to my mother's dismay. "Why do you watch that crap?" she would complain. "Because it's funny?" I would ask.

Every Spring, baseball would come on television, interrupting my nightly dose of "Three's Company." I would tune to the channel, and find some baseball player on my screen. "Mommy!" I would whine. "Something's wrong with the t.v.!!" "There's nothing wrong with the t.v.," she would answer. "It's baseball season."

In middle school I was on drill team. It was fun. We would dance and compete, although we never won one competition. "You're pretty good," my coach told me. "You should be a cheerleader when you go to high school."

In 10th grade I tried out for cheerleading and made it. I would stand on the sidelines of a muddy football field, cheering for our junior varsity football team. Hardly anyone came to the games, especially since they began at 4:00. The highlight of that year of cheerleading was when one of the football players ran into one of our cheerleaders and knocked the air out of her.

In 11th grade, I was a Varsity cheerleader. I was chosen as co-captain my senior year. Cheerleading was the highlight of my high school career-there was just one problem-I detested sports and didn't understand them at all.

"Explain football to me one more time," I would beg my team members. Football just didn't make sense to me. During the games, I would stand on my ladder and gossip with the other cheerleaders, completely ignoring the game in front of me. "Jaimie!" my coach would snap. "Stop talking and pay attention to the game!"

I was the crowd leader while cheering. I would have to get on the microphone and lead the audience through cheers. "Jaimie," my captain would hiss at me. "1st and 10. Do the cheer!" What is 1st and 10?

I also had a difficult time deciphering if we were on offense or defense. I would have to squint my eyes at the players on the sidelines and on the bench to determine if it was our chance to score a touchdown. I understood that the big guys were usually playing defense, and the guys with the better bodies were playing offense.

Basketball was a little easier, and at least I got to sit down while cheering. The guys would run up and down the court, over and over, and over again. I kept finding excuses to go outside of the gym and talk to my friends outside. "Jaimie!" my coach would snap when she found me outside. "Get back inside! Halftime!" I would run back inside, and with my team, do the 2 minute dance that we had choreographed.

Now, I live with a man who loves sports. Every Sunday, the television is on. "Are you going to get up and do anything today?" I ask. "Yeah, sure..." he answers, his voice trailing off and his head turning slowly back to the television screen.

This is life. It is hilarious.


Posted by Jaimie :: 2:48 PM :: 8 Peeked Into My Diary:

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