Friday, October 21, 2005

Children are Dogs

Children Are Dogs

I'm a kindergarten teacher, so work is always entertaining. It's Friday, and it's "Share Day". Before we began sharing I instructed the students to find a book and read quietly while I tended to other students. There are always a few knuckleheads (usually boys) who hear the word "read" and somehow translate the word into the sentence "Let's not listen to our teacher and do the exact opposite of what she said." There were three students today who were definitely lost in translation and decided to go into the corner of the room and get on their hands and knees. They began crawling around like dogs and barking. They traveled around in a circle in a small area of the classroom. "Stop acting like dogs! Get off the floor!" I told them. The three puppies instantly got up and rather guiltily found their way out of the corner. "No share time for you! Bad puppies! Now sit down in your chairs!"

LA Streets Are A Killer

I'm coming home and I am about to turn onto La Cienega Boulevard. There is a left turn arrow and I am waiting to make my turn. I am behind three other cars and chatting on my cell to my boyfriend. Out of nowhere, this idiot races from the far right lane to my left turn lane right in front of me and cuts me off to make the turn. I loudly rest my hand on the horn and look at him like he's crazy. He looks at me like he's about to kill me, so I look away. I decide that October 21, 2005 is not going to be the date of my death on my headstone, so I leave it alone.





Yeah, Right

I decided to go to LAFitness last night because it had been a week since I had last looked at the place. My boyfriend and my one-time personal trainer that LA Fitness forced me to use convinced me to use the free weights instead of the machines to focus on the small muscles (Or something like that. I was only half listening). Wonderful idea they had, except everyone knows that all the testosterone-driven men use the free weights, and the women are few and far between. Every time I walk upstairs to use the free weights I feel like the nervous stripper doing a premier performance at a drunken bachelor party.

For the most part, the guys leave me alone. They sneak peeks, but they're not overt about it.
Last night there was one dude that would not leave me alone. First, he attempted to smile at me in the mirror (I kept looking away and tried to focus on myself, which would hopefully make him think that I was a conceited bitch). That didn't work. He then started loading up a large amount of weight onto a bar and started grunting a lot so I would think he was oh, so strong. He could barely lift the damn thing. Finally, after this wasn't enough convincing that he was the man for me, he walked over to me and said "Hi. My name is David. Have I seen you here before?" My God, could you think of a lamer line? It was so 1992 of him, that I couldn't help but laugh. His eyes got a little big, but I covered up the laugh with a quick and nasty, "No." "Well, I've been going here for five years. Well, I switch off between here and the LAFitness on La Cienega." Really? Don't care. Leave me alone. "That's nice," I say. I turn back to the mirror.
5 minutes later I'm done with the free weights. I start to walk away and here he comes, galloping towards me. "Hey," he says. "Let's go out to lunch." "I'm married," I said (which is not true, but I owe this man no honesty because he's just some guy at the gym). "What?" he asks, with a smile so big I could count his teeth. "I'm married!" I see that I have to stress the two words, as well as yell a little bit. Several men turn around. I smile at them and walk away quickly.
I think I need to go back to using the machines.

Posted by Jaimie :: 3:40 PM :: 2 Peeked Into My Diary:

.:Write In My Diary:.

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